i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Couch. On fire.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
