I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
