I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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