He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
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why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
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Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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