I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
