sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
