Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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