yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
