How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
