i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
