Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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