I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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