I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
