Tell her she can't have a vagina
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY