I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
