apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
