Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
