I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize