just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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