ugly people sure do ruin things
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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