The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
