I cannot find my penis.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
