she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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