3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
oh god the rape fog is back!
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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