apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
