So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
