i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
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you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
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I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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