Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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