Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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