She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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