i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
