I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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