Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
