Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
