I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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