honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
