WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
