I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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