dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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