another moral hangover. fuck.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
And my parents said I crawled through the house
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
