I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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