You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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