I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
