MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
