she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
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Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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