but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
