I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
