What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
