My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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