every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
