This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
