i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
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He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
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Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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