You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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