everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
