I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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