If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
There are leaves in my underwear?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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