The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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