I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
