I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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