I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
