a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
