YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
