please come you make the beer taste better
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
