I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
