i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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