You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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