How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
