she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
