I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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