i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Less talking, more tequila
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
