I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
